RIUSAB: A PLACE TO BURY YEAR-END LISTS

We here at RIUSAB know better than to hype the level of hype, unlike most. But wow, the rest of you wasted a lot of breath and virtual space. Here are things that came out in 2007 - they may be the worst, they may be the best - either way, we're pretty positive they came out this year.

SINGLE OF 2007

1. "Umbrella" (performed by Rihanna)

We'd cover another single, but apparently this is the only one that came out. All you need to know is that Jay wrote this shit. Seriously. Apparently Jagged Little Pill is in "high" rotation at the HOVmansion - "ELLA ELLA...EH EH EH" indeed.


ALBUMS OF 2007

5. Blonde Redhead - 23

RIUSAB's favorite U2 production sounds + our favorite old Blonde Redhead songs = great music for those 45 minute power RIUSAB naps.

4. A Place To Bury Strangers - s/t

omg, best band name to happen to the internets EVAR. Just ask Chris Ott (dude probably found their equipment for them, though). Or us. Also, wow, you guys are LOUD. If only another band with guitars had thought of that.

3. Jay-Z - American Gangster

Better than the movie! (wait...)

2. Stars - In Our Bedroom After The War

We never actually listened to it, but, um, the title? Seriously.

1. Deerhunter - Cryptograms

The RIUSAB staff had our most serious debate ever about tackling this album. Needless to say, we settled on playing some bass, wearing dresses, and screaming over a loop from that Seefeel record. We present our review, entitled 'Cryptograms.'



FILMS OF 2007

5. 3:10 To Yuma

Christian Bale plays a concerned father almost as convincingly as he plays Batman.

4. Transformers

Speaking of acting ability, Shia LaBeouf plays Shia LaBeouf almost as convincingly as Shia LaBeouf himself.

3. The Bourne Ultimatum

There certainly were a lot of cuts. And cars. And fights. Let no one say Hollywood doesn't do Hollywood anymore.

2. No Country For Old Men

No movie for RIUSAB staffers. Or was it?

1. American Gangster

We vote for Denzel, Russ, and Ridley to try a Western next. Here's hoping they keep the same script, just changing key words and settings. You know, or not.

IT'S RIUSAB, BITCH (Plus Big Shots 2 More Hott Trax )

Presumably you all know what today is. That's right, the day this happened. Also, Britney Spears has released a new album. Plenty of critics/publications are already going for the knockout punch, including the always-original J. Freedom du Lac of the WashPost and noted mainstream pop supporters Popmatters. Abridged version, cuz we know y'all need to get to Mickey D's raht qweck: Britney sounds like a robot! If only she could be more like that JT guy who put out the album all the critics liked (even k-punk)...you know, the tellingly titled FutureSex/LoveSounds, which meant it was all about sounding human and shit. Or about fucking. Anyway, we've come a long way in criticism, and it's good to see that we're finally starting to ask our pop stars to sound more like original, talented performers/creators. Let no one accuse American music criticism of sliding into reactionary stances of late. There's surely nothing reactionary about praising Bruce Springsteen imitators for just that and criticizing pop music for sounding too manufactured/inhuman (futuristic?). Not like that's the point or anything. Excuse us, we're going to go Blackout.


MORE RIUSAB SNAX FR YR ERS:

Chromo & Club84 - Dirty Cops (Club84 After Sunset Remix)

These guys collabbed on the original, but Club84 reworks his own to some badass effect. Sacrifices some of the tenderness of the orig to get all hard-edged in this motherfucker...nice track to serious mid-set banger before you can say 'Chromo & Club84' (via Disco Workout - go get it).

The Outrunners - Blazing Speed and Neon Lights With You

French, housetastic, and unsigned? Improbable. Luckily, the boys (or robots) are part of Valerie, so you know they'll be aite. Yet another frontrunner (ha) in the never-ending 'NEXT KAVINSKY' sweepstakes. Speaking of...

Harrison Schaaf - Zombie Outbreak

Coming to us courtesy of the tres-superb Palms Out Sound, dude works that synth modulation and them section transitions like nozombie's business. Even better, he can throw in some serious breaks without getting on the whole "HEY LOOK HERE IT COMES" anticipatory tip.

Jay-Z - Pray (from American Gangster)

Get it. NOW.

RIUSAB Top [Some Number] (Re-edit)

Seems about time for a rundown on some hot 'n' juicy RIUSAB trax of 07:



M.I.A. - Paper Planes (Remix ft Bun B and Rich Boy) - zshare



Holy RIUSAB. If you have somehow managed to avoid hearing this one...fuck you, first off. Second off, go listen and get off. Thrice. RIUSAB guaranteed. Remix of the year, mostly because it does so little, and that's totally the new doing a lot again.



Yelle - A Cause Des Garcons (Punks Jump Up Remix) - zshare



Aite, Discobelle scooped the shit out of us on this one (and maybe some other shit too - it's just our job 5 days a week) , but check it. Worth your while on many levels (their newish remix of Remi Nicole too). We at RIUSAB plan on spinning this ish anywhere and everywhere - get ya Francophone on, Amuricka.



Punkin' Machine - I Need You Tonight



Fuck James Murphy. No really. With that said, this shit was a great find - best thing on his contribution to the Fabriclive series - fuck what yr cuz and his blogger momz' friendz say about "Still Going Theme." It might not be 07 per se, but we've been dropping it like it's hot just to check...turns out it is. Almost makes us want to crate dig again. Almost.





In other news, that same punk over at Following The Century takes another shot at RIUSAB. Would have thought we schooled his/her ass badly enough the other day, but no. We'd love to waste more breath on the subject, but we're choosing to spend it all on:

So close to current (but already washed-up) hype band Black Kids. We almost gave them the coveted RIUSAB High School Cover Band of the Week title in September...but then we discovered that their songs just "sound like" the work of other bands. They were still technically eligible for the equally coveted RIUSAB Derivative High School Band of the Week with Future Potential title, but we haven't done that one in a while - still waiting for some teens who can rip off "Dirty Work." Also, turns out they're not in high school. Kind of the last straw.

RIUSAB LEGALIZES BEEF

Yet again, some useless "blogger" decides to take a shot, like a bone-wielding ape, at the gleaming-monolith-from-outer-space that is RIUSAB. Don't believe it? We wouldn't either if we hadn't seen this entry ourselves. Among other juicy bits, RIUSAB is now apparently part of the realm of "indie criticism" - thanks, but no thanks. Luckily, this Following the Century blog covers/supports some really good music - like, you know, post-rock and Pavement. Frankly, we couldn't be more surprised - we were expecting maybe some positive mentions for Gin Blossoms or Luda.

Anyway, as we've mentioned before, albums like Proof of Youth are Saving Music. And every time we hear Of Montreal, the whole staff just HAS to go out to T.G.I. Friday's (or is it Ruby Tuesday). To spend a bunch of time complaining about the current state of indie pop is a bit like complaining about Britney's parenting skills - Perez beat us to both.

We at RIUSAB would like to commend Following the Century on that excellent opening manifesto, however - as we've also addressed before, nothing is needed more now than self-important, ultra-serious blogs about music. Hence RIUSAB.

Mondays with RIUSAB

As RIUSAB goes ever upward and onward, we like to stop and reflect sometimes. Things we've realized this week:

You'd think Sharon Jones could have waited a few years before copping Amy Wino's moves so hard. Young artists these days. Also, her backing band is totally not as good.

Serious writing about music is almost as important as music about serious writing.

We at RIUSAB love it when once-great music writers are reduced to tongue-in-ass blogging about their own demographic and strip club playlists.

Oh and we couldn't be bothered to review the Georgie James album either.

Proof of RIUSAB

You probably haven't heard, but some washed-out porn star (pop star?) bombed at the VMAs this year. We at RIUSAB think her mistake was either: a) pretending to sing or b) pretending to sing a new song that actually sounded pretty Timbalicious. For another list of two, let's try blogoprism-sanctioned reactions to the, er, performance: a) outraged or b) outraged by the outrage. As usual, the RIUSAB staff thought it was all great fun - the annual office VMA party was even better than usual, between Ms. Spears and the new tradition of Patron shots with Whitney subbed for salt (selling out has its advantages). Anyway, as long as she keeps the jams coming and flashes some naughty parts every now and then, we're satisfied. Even if it feels sometimes like we're watching (and hearing) half-baked Madonna reruns.

Oh and you probably have heard, but the Go! Team re-released album #1 with new packaging and a different title: Proof of Redundancy. Don't get it twisted - that's ok, because they're Saving Music (further corroboration). It's certainly never occurred to anyone to combine 70s music with Saturday morning hip-hop before (ahem), and we at RIUSAB have determined through extensive research that no one's tried to release the same album twice either. We were going to introduce our brand new rating system just for this one (RIUSAB out of a possible RIUSAB - as in better than Kid A AND Stadium Arcadium, in case you were wondering), but we wouldn't want to steal EW's thunder. Plus, and we can think of no higher compliment, "Doing It Right" is totally on repeat at R. Kels' after-school program.

Madden 08's Got Gang-Tacklin', RIUSAB's Got Gang-Entryin' (Like Our Grrrrl Jenna)

We at RIUSAB like to strike whilst the iron is hot. Unfortunately, we're easily distracted by the ravings of indie musicians/crit-hating romantics (this blog not endorsed by Ryan Dombal - we got a 7.1 and we're coping just fine). Said distraction prevented us from providing our most important service to you, the Mighty E-Customer - doing some crit-hatin' of our own. Time was, Chris Richards used to be in some alphabet soup of a DC-area band - Ps 'n' Qs or something along those lines, only less English - although the RIUSAB staff was damaged in all the right unusual places by that one album of theirs, back when we went by the collective pseudonym of Colin McElligatt. Parts of the last sentence may be entirely false. Anyway, Chris Richards got a new gig some time ago. No, not super-cleverly-named solo outfit Ris Paul Ric ("Daft Young Cannibals" was a tasty wee number, though) - we're talking about his job as a music "critic" for some right-leaning tabloid in the area.

RIUSAB tolerated Richards' stilted, overreaching prose (full of phrases like "stilted, overreaching prose") for...months? minutes? Felt like a long time...we can't be bothered to keep track of these things. We reached our breaking point, though, when we read this concert review, reproduced in part (but unaltered) below:

"Didactic ditties 'Stop AIDS' and 'Do Your Best' escalated from tight, simmering verses into chaotic choruses, with Kuti convulsing along in polyrhythmic tantrums."

First of all, Chris, alliteration: always an agonizing and absolutely atrocious avenue for a critic to choose in crafting concert critiques. Second, horribly misapplying words like "polyrhythmic" just shows anyone with half a music background that you have no idea what you're talking about. Tantrums can't be polyrhythmic, only people and RIUSAB pieces can. Finally, the two things worse than didactic songs are didactic pieces of writing about songs and didactic pieces of writing about writing about songs.

Do us all a favor and stick to what you do best: writing (songs, ahem) about people who choose to prey on the lifeblood of their fellow humans.

Entry The Third: In Which RIUSAB Eats Itself

AND EVEN IF I WAKE UP LATE I DO THE RIUSAB THANG
THAT'S AN IMPORTANT BLOG

So Fabolous has a new album out. Has had. Long time. Hell, since June. You didn't know? Well, there are a couple reasons for that. Despite being easily as good a subject for idolatry/target for Banksy as you-know-who, the Popwarriors largely (no split infinitives from RIUSAB) have chosen to ignore From Nothin' To Somethin'. Several questions: is it because Fabolous is black (despite being on the pop end of pop-rap)? Is it because they already have Lil "Durrrty South to Art School" Wayne? Or is it because the album contains a disturbingly high level of substance, all negative reviews aside? Several relevant pieces of information: it's packed with club bangers (or at least numbers), easy on the ears (and brain), and Fabolous seems to have acquired some of Weezy's, ahem, "talent" for inanity masquerading as profoundly challenging absurdity: "and the even if i wake up late i do the breakfast thang/that's an important meal."

While we're on the subject, Miss Um-ber-rellah appears to have been annointed as the Next Paris by the critical powers-that-be, despite being, as far as we at RIUSAB can tell, black. No less a fear-and-awe-inspiring personage than k-punk has declared Rihanna "the undisputed queen of pop." Um, consider that status disputed? If you knew ten years ago that a bunch of white British rock crits would fawn all over a black r&b-turned-pop singer who sounds far more like Alanis Morisette than anyone in recent memory (including Avril), we will travel back in time just to shake your hand. Or we could do this. But as far as Rihanna goes - it's striking to see that the very vapidity of her voice and music ends up being the explicit reason for praise. Shades of Paris, indeed. Rihanna may have learned the crucial trick - even more than Fabolous, she comes off as a white imitator of the 21st century black pop-r&b sound, coupled with a few left-field Canadian flavors thrown in. We here at RIUSAB can only assume that by 2010, all pop music will sound (and look) like the Alanis Morisette cover of "My Humps." Minus the "personality" or whatever.



RIUSAB SPIN MAGAZINE FILM MOVIE CAPSULE REVIEW #1 (totally old now):

Opening = big action. Boom. Hour plus of teen dramedy...but ok cuz it's like totally 80s. Boom. The Iceman cometh. Boom. Sequel? Verdict = worth $10.

RIUSAB SPIN MAGAZINE FILM MOVIE CAPSULE REVIEW #2 (freshy fresh):

Opening = literally limping. THEN boom. Two hours of existential crisis masquerading as action film plot, interrupted by cuts every two-three seconds. Also, lots of cars die painful deaths. "Jokey" winknudge ending. Hope to RIUSAB that's the last sequel. Verdict = worth $10 for the video game version.

RIUSAB's Year in P/Review

With half of 2007 behind and half ahead, several thoughts:

-Surprising year for indie rock. Old names and new names are blowing it up. We've seen impressive sophomore releases (that Menomena one's, you know, aite too), a really good !!! album, and a great debut from the Besnard Lakes. Of course, indie's a lot less indie these days (Use Your Own Link) - the Monkeys ref here ignores their Brit chart dominance and fuckstillhardtobelieveihavetosaythis but that Arcade Fire album (you know, the one better than Funeral) tore it up over here. There were the predictably bad post-breakthrough albums (We Were Dead Before The Rats Jumped Back On The Ship) and that CYHSY album so hateable I've been feeling ahead of my time, but if we can get all serious for a hot minute, let's just admit that 2007 has been an above-average year for indie already. Is that even worth worrying about anymore? All poptimism aside, I think the answer's yes, esp if we're talking bands like Deerhunter (the Eluvium remix of Sonic Youth or the other way around) that inject something fresh, at least by the genre's own standards. On the other hand, if it's all gonna sound like the latest one-stop-shop-for-cool/2006/a Decemberists' Decemberists' world (omg but that's so mean!!!), fuck it. I'd say time will tell, but I really mean I will.

- Apparently releasing a mainstream hip-hop album in the first two quarters of the year is the path to critical and commercial failure, and nobody's tryin to repeat that move. At the rate we're seeing release delays in the oh-five and two pennies, it'll be four months before I can cop that UGK-Runners track all legal-like (probably just a coincidence that they're on Jive...right?). Other than the man who dared to throw some rims on that vehicle and got unfairly maligned for it, nobody's doing numbers or even TRYING to so far. Look at some of the names scheduled at one point for release pre-summer this year:

UGK (orig Dec 06, now July)
Fabolous (Mar, now June)
Three 6 Mafia (Apr, now July)
Chamillionaire (Apr, now Sept)
Saigon (pretty sure it's never coming out)

Anyway, the good news is we'll all have more to write about in the next six months than just another Weezy mixtape.

-About that Wilco album no one seems to like...I was hoping everyone would learn their lesson from shitting all over that post YHF record of theirs ("ew, there are GUITAR SOLOS on a ROCK ALBUM"), especially since I've seen a lot of backpedaling after people started catching live shows and hearing the Ghost material live. 1:1 at RIUSAB that we're gonna see another round of the same shortly, because the new album's not as good, but it kicks and it'll kick harder live. Look, I hate 'comfortable' sounding material as much as the next rockist amateur (or is that amateur rockist) crit out there, but it's Tweedy and Wilco for fuck's sake - YHF was an aberration, even if it's an extraordinarily good record. They/he are the neoclassicist's neoclassicist when it comes to pop/rock, so get off the bandwagon or get on, and deal already.